The Tee-Totaller (An Apology)

I wasn't sure if the invitation to the party extended to me so I gate crashed. I rushed to get ready when a lift to get there was offered to me. I met some people at the party that I was neighbours with for some time and never even knew it. We hit it off and next minute the girl was offering me a rum. I wasn't driving home this evening, someone else was, so I accepted.

Next thing I know I'm yelling and laughing and having a good time. A bit of a blow out after such a long time of being the good, well-behaved, responsible one. When I discovered one of the party guests had snuck away I staggered off to find him to drag him back. I got pulled up halfway to one of the houses by one of my friends who, in her own drunken state, tried politely to ask me to curb my swearing as best I could.

"There are children around!"

I couldn't find the missing party guest and on my way back to the soiree I found some members had moved to the staff verandah. One lady was trying to teach us all to whistle loudly with our fingers in our mouth. A skill I have always been envious of. But I gave up when my bladder started screaming at me.

While I sat on the porcelain throne I was suddenly attacked... by a broom. After a while the broom wielder gave up and I finished I my business and walked outside. But all was not right. The world would not stop twisting and twirling and I headed straight for the edge of the verandah and heaved up a technicolour explosion. And that's where I stayed. Lying in the one spot, for anytime I moved I would throw up again. People checked on me. And had a giggle as I did at myself. Someone tied my hair into a messy bun. Soon my ride was ready to return home but I turned down the lift.

"I don't want to throw up in your car" I mumbled.

Hours passed on the edge of the verandah. At one point someone rolled me on my side. Eventually I got too cold and moved into one of the bathrooms. I laid out a bath mat and wrapped a towel around me and went back to sleep. Not long after I heard doors being opened and closed. Someone was checking on me again. My alarm went off on my phone at 5am and moments after I was being scooped up and carried off to a room in the quarters because apparently I can't sleep on the bathroom floor.

What little sleep I got in the room was interrupted by my friend ringing me to say she was ready to head in to town. Nevermind that it was a quarter to seven! I climbed over my still drunk friend in the passenger seat and off we went to spend the day in Katherine chasing and talking horses and cattle.

Tee-totaller me regretted accepting those few but very strong rums that night. It was shame job that it took me only two hours to go from perfectly sober to hobo drunk. I went down as quick as a wimp in a cage fight. It was embarrassing that I had to buy a new shirt in town just to look and feel even remotely acceptable the next day. And to all those children that I swore in front of: I'm sorry that you heard some words that you weren't suppose to know till you were just that little bit older!